I was going to write a whole long blog post about a topic that had been tickling my brain, but the week escaped me in a haze of pain and difficulty. I’ll try to be better next week, I promise.
Here’s a snippet of what I had already had written this morning:
“I know that my anxieties won’t go away when Little Miss enters the world, but I know that the ones I have now will drop away and be replaced by new ones. Right now the only hint I have that she’s getting from day to day comes when I can provoke some jabs, dance moves, or rolls. At least when she is here, I will have the advantage of being able to see and hear her on top of being able to feel her, even if I have to worry about her sticking beans up her nose or bumping her head. Peeking at the screen of a baby monitor to see her sleeping, or hearing her cry, has got to be a thousand times less stressful than eating a protein bar and drinking a glass of orange juice and laying on the couch on my left side at 6:30 in the morning and waiting in complete silence for some sign of life. I’ve been sick this week, so I know it must be getting her down, too. She got quiet about the time I started to get really sick. She perked up a bit when I started on some antibiotics. It’s all interrelated.”