26 Weeks: A letter to myself

Dear Self,

Thank you for learning how to take care of yourself before trying to take care of a baby. Re-learning how to cook and eat was the best thing you could have done for yourself. Can you imagine being at your pre-loss weight, and being 6-and-a-half-months pregnant, AND trying to deal with what you were dealing with last week? All those trips to the surgeon? The infection eating away at your vitality and energy, having to be cut and physically manipulated out of your body so it couldn’t take root again? If you weren’t eating the healthy nutrients, vitamins, and proteins all along, you’d be that much weaker and sicker. You were in bad shape, and at least you knew not to wait any longer than absolutely necessary to get yourself a higher level of care. When the first course of treatment didn’t make things better, you knew not to suffer.

Looking back, you realize that you were borderline delirious last Friday morning. And as soon as the worst had been taken care of by the surgeon, you know how  much better you felt. That’s the healthy you fighting back as quickly as possible. Thank all your stars that you were striving to eat so well — that level of better nutrition kept Little Miss going strong even if it meant she took a share of the nutrients you could have used to fight off the infection. But that’s what mothering is, sometimes, so thank you for not being the fool who couldn’t ask for some extra help. Sure, it took seven days of visits to the surgeon to coax, pull, flush, and suction everything out, but it’s gone now. Let this be a lesson to you.

Don’t feel bad that the infection went on as long as it did. Until the swelling started to interfere with your range of motion, who knew that the lower back pain and fatigue could have been anything but pregnancy? Don’t blame the OB for saying that the twinging lower back pain, the difficulty sleeping, even last week’s bout with nearly passing out, were regular signs of being pregnant, because THEY ARE. Little Miss is either a head of lettuce or a hothouse English cucumber this week, depending on who you ask (and by the way, GROWTH SPURT!). If you had a whole head of lettuce sitting in your midsection, you’d eventually have back pain and fatigue too. Isn’t rolling over at night fun, now that you can sleep on your left side again? Wake up partway…shift hips…support bump…roll…decide that isn’t comfortable…roll back…fall asleep…try again later.

Be clear-headed and healthy from here on out and make the last trimester the best one. Revel in every minute of it. Soon enough, she’ll be here.



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